Thehappychurch's Blog

ASK THE BISHOP (formerly ‘Bash the Bishop’) is a forum for THE HAPPY CHURCH members who are unclear about various issues be they doctrinal, practical or bestial. Your anonymity is assured.

The Bishop shows us the size of his concordance...

1. Dear Bishop, I only have a small Gideon’s New Testament. Other boys my age have large bibles with a well-developed concordance. Does size matter?

There are two issues here. The first is that you have a small Gideons NT and are worried about the other boys having large bibles with well developed concordances. Do not worry about this. Even the Bishop once had a Gideons NT, but as one matures and develops one finds one growing and eventually owning the ESV Study Bible with concordance, study notes and articles on various themes.  Do not worry: your time will come. Size does not matter, it’s how you use it.

The second worries me, however. You only have half a Bible! As such, your growth is stunted and you’re not developing as you should be.  The Old Testament is equally as important as the New Testament because these were the scriptures Jesus read and prayed from, the OT prophesied and were fulfilled in the coming of Jesus and most importantly, it contains THE HAPPY CHURCH’s Sunday School text, the Song of Songs.  You need the full package in order to grow. I suggest you watch the video below to see the manifold benefits of having a big one:

2.  Dear Bishop, who would win in a fight between Moses and Jesus?

Jesus would kick Moses' butt

A hypothetical question, as these two would not fight. But if they did, clearly Jesus would win for the following reason:

1. Moses killed someone and then ran away (Ex. 2:11-15); Jesus put a man’s ear (Malchius) back on when a disciple (Peter) chopped his ear off (Luke 22:5051; John 18:10-11) . That’s fortitude.

2. Moses = a Servant. Jesus = a Son

3. Moses = faithful in God’s house. Jesus = faithful over God’s house. (Heb. 3:1-6 for both points 2&3)

4. Moses = almost got killed by God (Ex. 4:24-26); Jesus voluntarily went to die on a cross.

5. Moses killed one man for bullying a fellow Israelite (Ex. 2:12); Jesus laid the smackdown on the devil when he died on the cross (Heb. 2:14; 1 John 3:8).

6. In a fight, Jesus can call on a legion of angels (Mt. 26:33). You don’t mess with a legion of angels or the Son of God.

So continue to man up, and be on the side of Jesus – we all want to win…

3. Dear Bishop, I have constipation. Are there any passages in the Bible that would give me a bit of relief?

Unproductive

Fear not, dear brother – there are many passages in the Bible which, may not bring relief but, certainly bring comfort.

For there were 7 constipated men in the Bible:

The first constipated man was Cain, he wasn’t Abel.
The second constipated man was Moses, he took the tablets.
The third constipated man was Balaam, he couldn’t shift his ass.
The fourth constipated man was Samson, he brought the house down.
The fifth constipated man was Solomon, he sat for 40 years.
The sixth constipated man was Peter, he was like a rock.
The seventh constipated man was Titus, his name speaks for itself.

May this bring you comfort, encouragement, stimulation, and above all else, relief!

Blessings to you all,
The Bishop!