Because we all know a Church isn’t a church unless it owns its own building…
New THE HAPPY CHURCH premises unveiled!
Today, staff from THE HAPPY CHURCH were present at the opening of their new premises on Edgerton Park Road as they unveiled the newly redeveloped facilities.
The Head Deacon had been quick to point out in the past, that a Church is not really a Church until it has its own building to operate from - we have all come across these so-called ‘churches’ that meet in rented school halls, but THE HAPPY CHURCH was determined to maintain some air of respectability and so purchased its own property.
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Staff outside the newly refurbished THE HAPPY CHURCH building
The new Church building maintains its original 1930′s Post-Modern Architectural features on the outside (such as the white pebble dash exterior on the upper floor, and Devonian Sandstone blasted red bricks) but this hides a multi-million pound redevelopment on the inside.
Due to local planning restrictions, THE HAPPY CHURCH was unable to turn this building into a 47 floor Sky Scraper as planned, so had to make do with extending downwards instead. Now, THE HAPPY CHURCH building goes 30 floors below ground, to a depth of 200m. Boasting such facilities as ensuite church offices (with jacuzzis) a fully fledged Gatecrasher™ endorsed ‘earthquake maker’ sound system for worship, olympic sized swimming pool/baptismal font, 5 large Halls, a Wagamamas restaraunt, a sound-proofed creche fitted with neutralizing ‘baby-strength’ sleeping gas canisters for use during the services, as well as an outer garage to service the lash train prior to its departure.
An early schematic of the underground Church development
Due to the nature of this redevelopment project, the site can also withstand a direct hit from a Nuclear Weapon, so ensuring that THE HAPPY CHURCH will live on even after a Nuclear Armageddon. This robust construction also means that members of THE HAPPY CHUCH shall be able to remain safe during the ‘Woes’ foretold by Revelation during the final period just prior to Christ’s return.
We look forward to enjoying worship and abundant Kingdom living with you here!
The sauna.
The Deacon and his PA enjoy the newly-installed jacuzzi.
Staff sample THE HAPPY CHURCH Wagamamas
PROVERBS 2:18-19.
WiseArchitect
January 8, 2010 at 12:47 pm
LOL Tom – The Happy Church.
thehappychurch
January 8, 2010 at 1:24 pm
What – no 12-screen cinema? No 6-lane bowling alley? No Obama posters? And where’s the blackjack table? You call this a church?!
Mr Joel aka Joel (Mr)
January 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm
bwhahaha,I took the time to read this properly now! It’s well funny! hahaha – newly-installed jacuzzi (as if! lol) – who writes up all this anyway?
Steph L
January 9, 2010 at 10:31 pm
[...] I hope some of you will also be aware that, the following day, I did return to work to test the quality of the Church’s new Jacuzzi. [...]
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January 25, 2010 at 9:11 am
There’s more to that building on Edgerton Park Road than meets the eye
Chris Tilt
January 26, 2010 at 11:14 pm
[...] to contribute for the good of the church and refuse to accept arthritis as an excuse not to scale the building and change the asbestos lining on the roof. We also encourage values such as independence – for example: every Winter we biblically [...]
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[...] retaliations by local publicans have seen them entering THE HAPPY CHURCH baptismal pool en masse and turning water into urine. Excess urine in the baptismal pool has rendered it out of [...]
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[...] Of course there are many differences between the Catholic Church and THE HAPPY CHURCH, with the Vatican tending to put an emphasis on Mary, Papal infallibility, and swinging balls of incense about. However THE HAPPY CHURCH – as an Anglican conservative liberal evangelical neo-Girls Aloud cessationist orthodox Church – places its emphasis on Jesus Christ, The need for the forgiveness of sins, and merking to our duppy-man sound system in the church hall. [...]
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