Thehappychurch's Blog

SERVICES

The Rector entertains a young couple from THE HAPPY CHURCH

THE HAPPY CHURCH holds three services on a Sunday. They are as follows:

9AM and 11AM Family Service with Communion

6.30PM Evening Service with Communion.

Once a month there is ‘New Members’ lunch (with Communion) held at KFC on Sidwell Street.

Baptismal Services (with Communion) are held on the first Sunday of months containing the letter ‘u’ or beginning with the letter ‘M’.

CRECHE

The Counter-Heresy Minister places a creche-child in his patented 'Interrogation Chair'...

An initiative first suggested by the Worship Leader – our crèche-scheme (with Communion) is intended to attract the desirable ‘yummy Mummy’ demographic. The crèche runs on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 9.30AM – 9.45AM.

Whilst Jesus did say, said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14), our Counter-Heresy Minister insists on putting all new-born applicants through rigorous security checks.

SUNDAY SCHOOL

Sunday School meets somewhere well-lit in the purpose-built, high-security nursery cupboard. Initially all Nappers, Clappers and Slappers sing ‘In Christ Alone’ together repeatedly with the leaders until the Head Deacon is out of earshot. This is followed by separate age related groups:

Happy Nappers

is a group for children aged six months to two years old. This group meets in a large room with opportunities for play and for ‘table work’. Cryogenic sleeping pods are also provided nearby for exhausted mothers. The children are encouraged to listen to Bible stories and to spend time colouring pictures and applying [post-lash] make-up to the Children and Women’s Minister’s face.

THE HAPPY CHURCH Sunday School ladies enjoy happy times with a yute

Happy Clappers

is a musical group for children aged three to seven. Structured play is followed by Bible teaching and simple craft activities. Happy Clappers seeks to engage young children with sound doctrine and a love for God’s Word from as early as possible. We do this using instructive riddims such as ‘Bibles Bibles’ and ‘Shine Jesus Shine’.

Happy Slappers

is for deprived local children who have started secondary school. The teaching program is based on solid Evangelical Bible teaching and weapon-disarming techniques employed at Feltham Young Offenders Institute, London. Happy Slappers develops themes introduced in the children’s talk at the beginning of the morning service. Children are encouraged to think through applications of the Bible material and how it relates to contemporary issues such teenage pregnancy and urban gun-crime. The motto of Happy Slappers is ‘Pray before you Spray’.