Thehappychurch's Blog

The Rector

David Beadle – Rector

As eloquent and erudite a man as you will ever see, David Beadle is a chap who belongs to a by-gone era. Fortunately, THE HAPPY CHURCH belongs to a by-gone era as well. Through a commendable mixture of sartorial elegance, Evangelical gusto and the inimitable ability to trail off sentences, David is to Christ, what Boris Johnson is to Conservatism. A necessary evil.

Previous experience as a Morrisons till clerk means that Dave is one of the most highly regarded – and over-qualified – Anglican ministers of his generation.

The Curate (with friends)

John Rochfort – Curate

John hails from deepest, darkest water-logged Gloucestershire. When not engaging in “racial horseplay” and doing battle with his recurring fungal infections, John likes to play squash and perform monologues from ‘I’m Alan Partridge’.

Head Deacon

Although he has a degree in Theology, John still does not have the authority to send “church-wide e-mails”

Jonny Rose – Head Deacon

Jonny Rose was born in South London and, as THE HAPPY CHURCH‘s sole ethnic, acts as the resident consultant on matters of multiculturalism and “shower theology”.

His roles as Head Deacon include “merking bwoydem”, “duppying wasteman” and preaching extensively from Romans. Jonny is currently working on the authoritative translation of The Street Bible into comprehensible English.

Counter-Heresy Operative (during training)

Luke Denby-Hollis – Minister for Counter-Heresy Operations

A graduate in Geography and a former Royal Marines engineer (who was also honourably discharged  from active service…in Sheffield), Luke is more qualified than most to be THE HAPPY CHURCH‘s main greeter and de facto Head of Security. His winning mix of Northern charm and formidable personal frag count means whether he is on the frontline of a battlefield or the church welcome committee, he will “get the job done”. ‘Guess the circumference of Luke’s biceps’ is an enduring children’s game at the annual THE HAPPY CHURCH summer fete whilst the adults play ‘How many terrorists has Luke choking on their own blood since he woke up this morning?’.
Luke can be regularly found making home-visits (in both a pastoral and disciplinary capacity) to the elderly and congregrants suspected of reading Rob Bell literature.

Webmaster and 'friend'.

Joee Townsend – Webmaster and Missionary

When Corinthians lists the gifts of the Spirit, someone forgot to tell the Apostle Paul about Javascript.

Joee’s talent as the church’s webmaster have meant that THE HAPPY CHURCH has moved from the Dark Ages to the early Modern period.  Presently, he is preparing for a 6 month mission to Japan where he will be battling both Godzilla and lukewarm Christianity.

The Bishop

Andy Larkin – Apostolic Father/ Bishop

A graduate of Theology, one-time New Frontiers preacher and advisor to Mrs Rose on matters of portraiture and “functional Cessationsim”, Andy has had a stellar career ascension not seen since Jesus went from carpenter to Saviour of the world.

Before serving as an itinerant minister, Andy worked in a retirement home. His experiences of dealing with recalcitrant elderly people and their old-school racism put him in good stead for life at THE HAPPY CHURCH. He looks back fondly on the days when “getting his hands dirty” meant merely cleaning a resident’s bottom, rather than having to attend disciplinary hearings for numerous “racial incidents” caused by the Curate.

Andy co-authors books with his brother, Dr. Jonathan Larkin who is “The World’s Greatest Expert on Jude”.

Worship Leader

Dave Hargrave – Worship Leader.

As the only member of THE HAPPY CHURCH staff who owns his own keyboard and sheet-music, David “Haagen-Das” Hargrave brings the glamour of the Dorset disco scene to an otherwise traditional Sunday service. Whilst his playing has been described as “digestable” by many, Hargrave’s real talent lies is his ability to survive the constant – and merited – sexual scandals that seem to plague him.

When not engaging in arguments with the Head Deacon over who has more “power”, refusing to give the Head Deacon lifts to CU and wilfully ignoring the Head Deacon’s repeated requests to not play Be Thou My Vision because it’s “too Irish”, Dave can be found setting up “That’s-What-She-Said” jokes for the Head Deacon.

Dave does not have more power than the Head Deacon.

Children & Women's Minister

Sarah Morris – Women & Children’s Minister

Seeing as she has mammary glands and a womb, we thought it best to leave Smorris to the messy area of women and children’s ministry.

Smorris does not have more power than the Head Deacon. But does have more power than the Worship Leader.

Currently THE HAPPY CHURCH are looking to fill the postions of Evangelist, PA to the Head Deacon and Health&Safety Officer. If you feel you would be suitable for the above roles, please do not hesitate to contact us.

No hairy chicks. Seriously, ALLOW hairy chicks.